Last week my post was entitled “Let Us Not Lose Sight” and it was not devoted to commenting on Kevin DeYoung’s book What Does The Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality.  It was devoted to my feelings about how the United Methodist Church has handled the issue of LGBTQ+ participation in that denomination.  It was devoted to my feelings about my specific church having to choose between cultural acceptance of the LGBTQ+ lifestyle and God’s word.  For many, cultural values and Christian values are not compatible.  Before I posted my personal comments, I was working on DeYoung’s five reasons that many Christians are right to think that Genesis 1-2 establishes God’s design for marriage.  I had discussed the idea of male and female complementarity in “Companion, Helper and Second in Line,” that God made woman to help man, to be equal to man, but also man’s opposite [May 27, St. John Studies].  Now it is time to move onto reason number two, “the nature of the one flesh union presupposes two persons of the opposite sex” [DeYoung, 27].

In preparing for this post,  I have been amused by adult writers who struggle to directly address this one flesh issue.  “One flesh” does not have to always refer to sexual intercourse, but in one sense it does.  Like many words, “one flesh” means many things and that it why it is used; it helps with the uncomfortable discussion of a private matter.

Let’s get the uncomfortableness out of the way.  “One flesh” refers to the sexual bond a man and a woman have.  He use of words one flesh “presupposes two persons of an opposite sex.”   What does he really mean?  The biological fit of sex organs emphasizes that marriage is really between a male and female.  The argument here is the male’s penis fits into the female’s vagina, which some would say is an observable fact that God designed man and woman for intercourse.  DeYoung does state this: “The act of sexual intercourse brings a man and a woman together as one relationally and organically. The sameness of the parts in same-sex activity does not allow for the two to become one in the same way.” 

Ok there are those who would say that Jesus never really said anything against homosexuality, but one can point to Matthew 19: 4-6 and say that He had some significant words about marriage.  Let’s look carefully at the Scripture: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  So they are no longer two but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  This is a common Scripture used in many traditional marriage ceremonies and one can say it implies a joining together of male and female in marriage, in relationship and in sexual intimacy.

I get amused by DeYoung writing about sexual contact.  I can tell he is squirming when he writes “Mere physical contact—like holding hands or sticking your finger in someone’s ear—does not unite two people in an organic union, not does it bring them together as a single subject to fulfill a biological function.”  DeYoung seems to be trying to write that physical contact between the sexes cannot bring the same result that sexual union between a man and a woman can, but any honest adult knows that some forms of contact can bring sexual pleasure.

Is it the same kind of pleasure that a husband can enjoy with a wife?  Defenders of traditional marriage would say no, but we have to admit that sexual pleasure is sexual pleasure [I have lapsed into full-on vague language mode]. 

Defenders of traditional marriage would like for all marriage to be the arena where God produces a “higher calling” for two Christians joined together in matrimony.  They can serve Christ together as a unit and raise their children to serve God.  As a couple pursues living for Christ, the joy of the Holy Spirit can fill their marriage. 

Let us not get too naïve about this subject.  Some marriages never fulfill the Godly plan for marriage.  Too often people in marriage fall into the worldly idea that marriage is all about what feels good for me and the idea of pleasing one’s spouse goes away.  What we are talking about is the idea of self-centeredness.  After the honey-moon is over, one spouse can become too focused on self-needs and they forget the idea that meeting the needs of their partner is one of the foundations of marriage.

Some marriages fail because one’s sexual needs become too important and cannot be fulfilled within a marriage.  The Apostle Paul writes about straying outside of marriage in First Corinthians 6: 16: “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh’”.  This comes right after Paul writes “your bodies are members of Christ Himself.  Shall I take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!”  In today’s world the temptation is to fulfill sexual needs any way you can; any method is acceptable.  However in God’s word it says “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife” [First Corinthians 7: 3-4].  Paul write a lot about self-control in these scriptures; when that is lost, Satan will tempt with sexual desires. 

Lest we forget, many, many Christians focus on procreation as the end result of the sexual act in marriage.  The feeling is that offspring from a heterosexual relationship can be the best situation for children.  Stephen Holmes writes in his book Two Views on Homosexuality: The Bible and the Church that “procreation is the proper end of marriage.  A relationship that is not ordered toward procreation may be good and right and holy, but it is not a marriage.”  Same sex couples cannot have children but they can adopt children and some argue that this parenting situation is outside God’s design for marriage.  God’s design is for a married man and woman to be father and mother to a child.

Let me close this  post on the thoughts that even though “traditional marriage Christians” want to see a man and a woman in marriage having heterosexual sex, producing children within the marriage framework, there is a growing acceptance that sexual activity outside God’s design has become common is society today.  Traditional marriage Christians may not approve but they are not willing to turn their backs on people who are what they call “sexually broken.”  There is dogged determination to get the word to the world that Christianity is about forgiveness and wholeness in Jesus Christ.  The ideas of grace, patience and love are available to all those who seek to follow Jesus.

No matter what you have done in the past, it is impossible to rewrite your beginning but it is not impossible to begin to write your ending. 

It can start right now…

With Jesus Christ…