As I draw closer to the conclusion of my discussion of homosexuality in the church, I find myself discussing the very personal response to this issue in Kevin DeYoung’s book What Does the Bible Really Teach about Homosexuality.  That personal view is in Chapter 11 of his book and it is entitled “It’s Not Fair.”

DeYoung is not an affirming pastor* and when he wrote this chapter he got right to the heart of this issue for many Christians.  Believers may have brothers and sisters who have been homosexuals for years, or maybe an aunt who has been a lesbian and is quite happy.  Maybe believers have friends who have been attracted to their own sex since they could remember.  DeYoung even writes “You may be thinking of yourself and your own failed attempts to get your desires to change” [109].  DeYoung admits that homosexuals are actual people who have lives.  His church (where homosexuality has not been affirmed in the ten years he has preached there) “has always had men and women who struggle with same-sex attraction.  I’ve know most of them personally.  Some of them have been friends.”

DeYoung has written ten chapters on this topic like he is trying to stay “arms-length away.”  He does not want to get too personal, too emotional.

But like most of us in society today, he admits in Chapter 11 that he knows homosexual people, some rather well.

He has faced the hard questions about this issue first-hand.  Why would God make a homosexual person?  Why would He give people these desires and not allow them to express them?  What am I supposed to do about my family members who have same-sex desires?  Do I disown them?  Do I try to “change” them?  Some of his members has asked him “do I leave your church and try to find an LGBTQ+ friendly church?”

DeYoung call these “fairness” questions.  It is just not fair the way the non-affirming church treats homosexual Christians.

Fairness objection number 1: “I was born this way.” 

DeYoung admits the popularity of this point, but questions the origin of homosexuality.  Is this desire biological?  Is it behavioral?  He cites the American Psychological Association’s statement that there is no predominant cause for homosexual behavior (questioning “I was born this way”).  Rather than point to a cause for homosexuality, DeYoung prefers to talk about sin in general.  “We all struggle with desires that should not be fulfilled and with longings for things illicit” [111].   In other words, he lumps homosexual desire in with other sins like binge drinking, promiscuity, rage etc.  He feels that as Christians we have to be responsible for our behaviors and know that God wants better behavior from us.  Christ insists that we must be born again in a different way [from John 3: 3-7; Ephesians 2: 1-10].  He cites examples of homosexuals who have been born again [from homosexual to heterosexual].  He tries to make this point but I know that homosexuals do not appreciate the “change” argument, and are skeptical that it is even valid.

Fairness objection number 2:  “I don’t have the gift of celibacy.” 

DeYoung cites pastors who choose celibacy instead of fulfilling their same sex desires.  DeYoung uses the Apostle Paul as an example, the fact that he had the unique “gift” of celibacy. 

Revisionist interpreters of the Bible like to say that denial of one’s desires is only granted to a few.  How can we ask those without this gift to live a celibate life?    It is a burden that is too hard to bear.

DeYoung is willing to admit the struggle involved with celibacy but he likes to point out fallacies that undermine this view.  First of all, the person who says the burden is too hard to bear is assuming that homosexual desires cannot change.  DeYoung recalls a young woman who had a lesbian relationship for many years and then found she did not like that form of love anymore.  She chose to marry a man.  Secondly, there is an assumption that sexual desire is fulfilled in marriage.  “To be sure, intimacy in marriage is a precious gift, and it does provide an outlet for sexual desire” [114].  Resisting sexual desire is a part of discipleship for every Christian, no matter what type or relationship a person is in.  Homosexual marriage is not a “cure” for the sin of same-sex desire.    Celibacy is a valid choice for the LGBTQ+ Christian.  DeYoung insists that a person with same-sex desires can have a positive attitude toward a celibate life.  Many would disagree.

Fairness objection number three: “God Wouldn’t Want Me to Be So Miserable.”

Revisionist literature is full of stories of men and women who had lives that were full of despair because they were surrounded by family members and church members who judged them negatively.  Their response is often depression, confusion and even suicide.  The stories change when they embrace their true identity (gay Christian) and they experience renewed spirituality.  DeYoung knows of these stories but admits that they are probably the result of what he calls “self-deception.”  He feels too many experiences like this are based on what “feels” right rather than what is good according to The Bible.  “Are any sins made acceptable because the person committing them feels they are quite natural?” [117].

I have recently been teaching in my adult Sunday school class about “hard sayings,” aspects of the Bible where Scripture seems to be asking too much or God acts in a way that seems unfair.  For Christians who have same-sex desires, it is hard to find a way to live without fulfilling their needs.  DeYoung says that these people have to find a way to not pursue same-sex relationships.  Yes, he has stated that intimacy in a marriage is a gift from God but he points out that Jesus lived the life of a celibate. 

He finishes his chapter by declaring that our culture mythologizes sex too much.  “Nothing in the Bible encourages us to give sex the exalted status it has in our culture, as if finding our purpose, our identity and our fulfillment all rest on what we can or cannot do with our private parts” [119]. 

Surely we all know people who are homosexual, some of them are friends and some of them are family members.  To tell these people they cannot live a life like anyone else is tough, but maybe DeYoung is trying to say that the totality of man and woman’s existence should not be defined by what they do in bed.  God has a higher calling for man and woman than that.  Jesus [the celibate] makes it very clear in Matthew 7 that we are to hear His words and put them into practice.  There are plenty of places to do His will outside of the bed, plenty of places to bear fruit, to be obedient to our Lord and Savior.

To exclaim “it’s not fair” to expect me not to fulfill my sexual needs seems to put sex very high up on a pedestal. 

Life should be more than that.

At least, I hope so.

*Non-affirming pastors see homosexuality as a grievous sin and do not support the idea of homosexuals being accepted in the church.