I am not a pastor.  I have family members who are.  I have close friends who are but I have never personally felt the “call” to enter the ministry.  I know it is a challenging vocation, leading a church, interpreting God’s Scripture for a group of people, setting the tone for worship, inspiring congregational leadership, tending to the sick and infirm etc.  The list goes on and on as pastors find lots of things to do “to lead their flock”. The best word I can use to describe the lifestyle of a pastor is “irregular.”  When a pastor wakes up in the morning and plans the day, the day may not go according to plan as they have to respond spontaneously to the needs of their congregations.  In my opinion however, there are two basic goals for pastors to keep in mind as they practice their vocation; they should be about the business of leading unbelievers to Christ and helping believers to grow in their Christian faith. 

As I promised, in “Part 2” of “Does He Make A Good Argument” I will discuss how a “traditional marriage pastor” [if I can use those words to describe Kevin DeYoung] can uphold the idea of marriage between a man and a woman and still pastor those who do not fit that mold.  In “Part 1” it is pretty clear that DeYoung thinks that same-sex love is sinful.  Of course it is ok for him to make that stand.  He has every right to believe that.  There is Scriptural support for his ideas, but how will he minister to the person who comes to his office and says “I am gay and I believe in Jesus.  Can you help me?”  How can he set aside his staunch views about same-sex behavior in general and help a struggling individual in particular?

How can he “pastor” that kind of person?

Before I address these questions with DeYoung’s words at the end of his book, I want to express my views.  My position is that individuals have responsibility for their own actions.  I am aware of the Scripture that condemns same-sex relationships and I know those scriptures are condemning.  I also know that those Scriptures do not deter some people from loving members of their same sex.  I personally do not think less of people who engage in this behavior but I believe that they should be aware of the serious consequences they will face at the end of their lives.  In short, it is their business what they do in their private lives.  On page 137 of DeYoung’s book, he refers to my stance as the stance of the “Catholic politicians: personally opposed but publicly none of my business.”  This is not DeYoung’s view; he goes way beyond me in being concerned about same sex relationships, to the point that he has a special section at the end of his book on the politics of same-sex marriage [see appendix 1, “What about Same-Sex Marriage”].  DeYoung makes the case that the acceptance of same-sex relationships is harmful for society and should never be normalized.

My position has allowed me to navigate between three pastors who have written books on same-sex relationships in the Christian Church and be as objective as I can be, but I am not a pastor, affirming or disconfirming or occupying the middle ground between those views.

So does DeYoung seem to be able to fulfill his pastoral role for the aforementioned person who comes into his office?  Are there words in his book indicating that he is willing to help those who are attracted to members of their own sex?  There are.  He writes “Every Christian wrestles with thoughts we can’t quite understand and feelings we never wanted.  This is not a homosexual problem; it’s a human problem” [146]. 

Let’s be specific.  DeYoung is aware that his words about the sin of homosexuality can be impactful.  “We will crush the spirits (or worse) of brothers and sisters who experience same-sex attraction through no conscious choice of their own” [146].  In reading his words I feel he would counsel a LGBTQ+ person like he would anyone who is struggling with sin.  We all need grace in our lives; we all fall short of the glory of God.  Someone who is struggling with same-sex attraction may feel like they are indulging in feelings that are inappropriate but they do not need to purge those feelings before they ask for help.  They may have a come as you are attitude.  The change process is the work of The Lord as He heals our brokenness and our pain.  What does He expect of us?  We need to repent of our sin and make an effort to grow in our faith.  “We need someone as gracious as Jesus to tell us the truth: we are not OK.  We need forgiveness.  We need rescue.  We need redemption.  We need truth. We need grace.  We need Jesus” [135].

For the individual who has feelings of attraction for his or her sex, “I’d tell him [or her] that does not make him [or her] a failure, and that the desire to walk in holiness is evidence of the Spirit’s work in his [or her] life” [146].  DeYoung admits that he is not the person he is supposed to be either, but that Jesus is a “sympathetic High Priest” interceding for us.  Jesus knows what it is like to be tempted and knows that God sometimes give us challenges in life to make us grow.  Same-sex attraction is like any other sin, in that it can be a way to bless us and through the process of walking with it, our struggle can bless others.  It is all in how a person handles it.  To overcome same-sex attraction, DeYoung says the key is acknowledgment of sin and expressing a desire to repent.

Here is the problem today:  acknowledgment and repenting.  We live in a culture that is more open to many varieties of sexual expression.  People who are not believers are not concerned about what the Bible says; they are listening to the idea that their desires are ok.  “Be comfortable in your expression.  You are not alone.”  If same-sex individuals are not feeling the need to repent because society says they are ok, then there will be no effort to offer these people help from the “non-affirming church.”  “In the years ahead the church will be forced to think through these issues, think of them often and then act.  The church will have a tremendous opportunity to be slow to speak and quick to listen, to keep our Bibles open and our hearts too, and to speak the truth in love and show truth and grace” [147].

I find it encouraging that DeYoung is not asking Christians to be aggressive with their attitudes toward “changing” same-sex individuals.  He is not promoting LGBTQ+ counseling to change someone’s lifestyle.  I have been around Christians who are hateful in their condemnation of homosexuals.  I am ashamed for the woman who attended my church’s intercessory prayer group chanting the slogan she heard on her conservative news outlet from the Gay Pride March in New York from this past June.  “We’re here, we’re queer and we are coming for your kids” was a slogan that was chanted that day but I don’t believe that slogan in that march represents a wide-spread attitude.  It did spur her on to express hatred in the most inappropriate context. 

As I conclude my comments on DeYoung’s book, I am aware that as Christians we need to be very careful not to be so judgmental that we cross the line into hatred.  We stand no chance of helping anyone if we hate them.  The traditional or conservative church must find a way to walk the line between not accepting same-sex attraction and standing with the Bible without showing hate or fear.  There are increasing numbers of unbelievers in the culture today who are looking for that attitude.  For them, this is just another reason to not be Christian.  “The people of love are exhibiting hate.”  DeYoung expresses his views very well in Appendix 3 of his book as he shows an awareness of the many types of individuals that Christians must address: the cultural elites who despise the church, strugglers who are in anguish about their same sex attraction,  sufferers who have been mistreated by the church,  shaky Christians who are willing to compromise for society’s approval,  those who are living as The Bible says they should live and “belligerent Christians who hate and fear persons who identify as gay or lesbian.”  Instead of lumping all people into one category, he is willing to accept the diverse nature of society today.   

Is he a Pastor who holds conservative Biblical views toward same-sex relationships?  Yes he is. 

Is he a Pastor who will help the person who comes into his office and says “I am gay and I believe in Jesus.  Can you help me?”

I believe he is. 

The message will not be you are fine the way you are. However, he will admit that there is hope.  You can be made new by listening to the Holy Spirit that is within you.  Listen to Him and realize that sometimes new things are found by following the old paths.  DeYoung will offer that and for some it may be what they need.  I find it very telling that he references Jeremiah 6: 16 in his closing words: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Those ancient paths are found in the Bible.  Maybe culture has changed but DeYoung believes those ancient paths are still the same.