For the person who is attracted to their own sex, what does Christian faithfulness look like? 

This question is at the heart of Preston Sprinkle’s writing about homosexuals and the church.  Do they even have a chance to be faithful?

As a straight man raised in the church, I had some pressures.  I was pressured to join the church.  I could have refused baptism but I did not. As a straight man I felt a need to find a girlfriend to date in high school and upon graduation,  I knew I wanted to marry a person of the opposite sex one day.  That was expected of young men in the sixties and seventies in the United States.  I did fall in love and accomplished that goal.  Then my wife and I got subtle suggestions that we should do our part to continue the family by having a child.  We had a boy and named him Scott. 

Following this path, I found that I was accepted in many places; church, school, the workplace, social gatherings etc.  I did not have choices to make that put many limits on my life.  My sexual interests did not hinder my acceptance by others. 

Sprinkle has spent the years of his ministry trying to understand the world of the Christian who is experiencing same-sex attraction.  He knows all about the hard choices they have to make.  Sprinkle does not identify as gay; he identifies as a heterosexual Christian pastor who wants to serve the Lord.  What makes him unique is his dedication to ministering to Christians who are attracted to their same sex.

In Chapter 10 of his book he explores the options that are available.  The questions that a homosexual Christian has are basic:  Where do I go to church?  With my sexual interest, can I serve my God?  Can I have a fulfilled life as a Christian or am I a condemned sinner?

“Imagine that your dreams of getting married and having kids were crushed by the thought that you could never be with the man or woman you desire.  Like waking up from a nightmare, but realizing it wasn’t a dream, gay Christians battle daily with temptations and struggles that most Christians will never experience” [Sprinkle, 157].  Contrast this paragraph to my “straight” paragraph [three] above.  My life took the “acceptable” track.

Needless to say, Sprinkle has known many people over the years who are dear to his heart, people who are attracted to their own sex but also people who love God and want to be in a church.  Over the years of his ministry, he has seen people struggle to find their way in the “straight world.”   How do they attempt to do this?

One option is to gamble on what is called reparative therapy.  This type of therapy is all about counseling gay people into becoming individuals who are willing to renounce their interest in their same sex.  The results of this type of counseling are mixed at best.  A common example can be found in parents who are intent on changing their teenagers into “normal” kids through reparative therapy.   Often the gay teen is not invested in the counseling; the parents want it for their child.  Sprinkle says that any positive results for reparative therapy start with the intent of the client; the person who experiences same-sex attraction must desire the change.  “If someone should seek reparative therapy, they need to be the one who desires it.  Not their friend, not their pastor, and especially not their parents” [161]. The success rate for this type of therapy is not impressive.

A second option is a mixed-orientation marriage.  This type of marriage is a friendship relationship between two people of the opposite sex, but one person in the relationship has same-sex attraction.  When I read about this option, I considered how much a person really feels the need to “fit in” to society.  Mixed orientation couples would rather present themselves as heterosexual when they are not rather than having to deal with non-affirming responses from people in their church, school, workplace and social gatherings.  This is essentially a marriage of convenience.  Sprinkle says that the only way this couple survives is transparency.  The opposite-sex partner needs to be open about their struggles and fears in the marriage and the same-sex partner should not feel any outside pressure to pursue this type of arrangement.  The only way this will work [and it can] is that both people really must want this.

The last option is celibacy.  For many gay people this is how they fit into the church.  They have same-sex desires but they don’t act on them.  Reverend Peter Gomes [one of the authors I have commented upon] practiced celibacy and he pastored the Memorial Church at Harvard.  This arrangement has come under attack from affirming people and non-affirming people.  Affirming people say this kind of life is “dehumanizing,” that people who are attracted to their own sex should be free to pursue a sexual relationship.  They think celibates are forcing themselves to live like this and they are only doing this because conservatives demand it.  Non-affirming people are not satisfied because they don’t trust celibates.  Not acting on sexual desire is not enough for them; they feel that the gay person must be totally devoid of same-sex attraction.

In reading Sprinkle’s chapter on the options that a same-sex Christian has, they are certainly more complex than my choices in paragraph three.  Sprinkle spends a lot of time on celibacy, much more than option one and option two.  Celibacy means that the gay person has to live the life of a single person.  Sprinkle comments on what we all know about church: “The church does not know what to do with singles.”  Most Christians think that being single is just a short period before a person finds their “true love” and enters a marriage relationship.  Most Christians think that marriage leads to parenthood.  Therefore the church tends to say to singles that something is wrong if you don’t get married and have kids.

Is the church doing anything to address this problem?  Most churches do not have a vibrant singles group.  And statistically, single people are the group that is least likely to attend church, be involved with a small group or volunteer at church events.  Married people lead the way in all three of those commitments.  Of course, married people feel welcomed at Christian churches.

I am close to the end of this blog post and I don’t think I have a solution to the problems of the gay Christian.  Where do they go for their worship experience?  Where can they belong?  Can they even be gay and be Christian?  Let’s be honest.  Some “straight” Christians think a gay person cannot be Christian, but I know some who feel they are and certainly Preston Sprinkle knows many who feel they are.  I have a friend who is a pastor and he had a celibate family member who was attracted to the opposite sex and he navigated through life as a single, gay man who belonged to a church and believed in our Lord and Savior.  Was this life easy?  I can imagine it was not.

Do we turn to Sprinkle for the solution?  As he ends his chapter on this topic I don’t see any.  He says “I don’t buy the unchristian notion that denying gay people a same-sex spouse is tantamount to denying them a fulfilled life” [174].  Also he thinks it is a “modern American evangelical lie” that one has to have a marital spouse to find happiness.  That arrangement is the only way that a Christian can feel “called” and experience true fulfillment as a human being.

Then Sprinkle writes this statement that will be upsetting to conservative, non-affirming Christians: “None of this is based on a Christian worldview.”  The Christian world view “finds its meaning in a single [emphasis mine] Savior who was spat upon, mocked, tortured and killed, yet ‘for the joy set before him’ endured the misery of the cross in order to  taste the delights of resurrection life” [175].  Jesus never promised an easy life for any of us, but He did promise that every “spark of loneliness, tinge of pain, every dull ache of depression, every chill of isolation, will be redeemed when Jesus returns to restore His creation and reward the righteous with eternal life” [175].  

When will we know if that same-sex Christians are acceptable to God?  When Jesus returns.  Then and only then will we know if a gay person can be a faithful follower of the Son and the Father.  Then and only then will we know who will be on “the side of the angels.”