Let’s say you have done what I asked you to do. Let’s say you have gone to
You now have knowledge of your love language.
But you are a spouse with a spouse who does not want to learn anything new. You are a single person who has some challenging relationships but none of your “challenges” wants to take the profile. You have a child or a teen who acts out from time to time and you want to try to fill their love tank but they think that taking a “love profile” is stupid.
What do you have when you complete your profile?
Self-awareness. You know what you need in order to have a positive love response from another [what Dr. Chapman calls the fuel for your “love tank”]. What good does that do if you have no one responding to you the way you need for them to respond?
One thing that is certain is that all of us are different and you can’t force another person to take a profile, much less change.
Dr. Chapman suggests that you try to answer the following three questions [let’s use an unwilling spouse as an example]: How does this person most often express love to others? This means you will have to observe them over a period of time. They may not be speaking your love language but they may be speaking a love language that is evident if you make an effort to notice it. What does this person complain about the most? This can be a great indicator about what they are lacking in their life. “We never go anywhere” may indicate quality time. “My shoulders hurt” may indicate a need for physical touch. “You never help me with the vacuuming” may indicate a need for acts of service.
Another approach is the five-week approach. Quoting from Dr. Chapman: “The first week, you focus on one of the five love languages and seek to speak it every day and observe the response of your spouse. On Saturday and Sunday, you relax. The second week—Monday through Friday—you focus on another of the love languages and continue with a different language each of the five weeks. On the week you are speaking your spouse’s primary love language, you are likely to see a difference in their countenance and the way they respond to you. It will be obvious that this is their primary love language.”
It is much easier to implement change if the people you want to work with are “on board” but that is sadly not always the case.
Many people seek help alone. They are trying to improve communication with another person/s but others are not willing to work.
Never underestimate the effort by one person to change.
I have seen this in my life.
Don’t buy into the cliché that it “takes two to tango.” One very loving person can shake up patterned communication in a relationship if they are dedicated to making the change.
What do you have when you take the love languages quiz?
Maybe information that will be the first step to improving your relationships with others and eventually God.