St. John Studies

Take Nothing For The Journey…

Luke 9:3

“He [Jesus] told them [the Disciples] Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic.”

What if Jesus knocked on your door?

When you went to the door and He said “follow me.”

Would you say ok?

Let’s just say you did say ok. What would be the next thing you would say? Would it be “Wait a minute; I will be right with you. Let me get my suitcase of clothes, my wallet, my credit cards and identification. I need my car keys and a few snacks for the road. I need to stop by the atm to pick up some cash.”

Jesus would say “forget it; I will go and get someone else for this journey.”

What did He say to his Disciple in Luke 9:3. “Take nothing.”

Do you realize the significance of that?

He is telling them that to go on this journey with Him they are going to have to go on faith.

Let’s imagine that. They don’t have extra clothing. They don’t have money or food. They are going to have to rely on the charity of people to help them as they go along.

What does God ask of us? To live a life by faith.

How many of us do that? Hardly any of us.

What do you rely on? If you own a house, what do you probably have? Insurance. If the house burns, you have a way to replace it. If you own a car, what do you have [notice I left off probably since it is the law to have insurance]. If you wreck the car, you have a way to replace it. You may not want to work all your life so you are investing in a retirement plan of some kind. You are socking money away so it can grow and you can withdraw it when you are not working in your retirement years.   Say you are not so trusting of Wall Street. What are you doing? Maybe you are buying precious metals or investing in real estate.

“You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” is in Matthew 8:26 as Jesus spoke to the Disciples as they were being tossed on the sea. He knew he could still the raging waters and he wondered why they were so afraid of the storm, with Him on board.

Why are we so afraid?

Is it the constant bombardment of the media as we hear story after story of people who are suffering? Is it the economists who warn us about the impending economic collapse? Is it the presidential candidates who say very negative things about the state of the world, so they can get us to vote for them? They will save us.

Why are we so afraid?

We lack faith.

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?   And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?”…Matthew 6: 25-27

Jesus is trying to reason with us in these verses. Look at what God is doing for the birds. God loves the birds and he cares for them. God loves people also. If God loves birds and cares for birds, God will love people and care for people too.

Without getting too technical, this is deductive reasoning and it should work but it doesn’t. We may be able to say yes to the statement God loves birds. We may be able to say yes to the statement that God cares for the birds. It is that third part that bothers us. God loves people; therefore God will care for people. That is the part that requires faith.

“God will love you and God will care for you.”

We just have to hedge our bets, don’t we?

If Jesus came to the front door and said “follow me” we will probably say “Wait a minute…”

When we go back to the door, guess what…He will be gone.

“There but for the grace of God go I” is an expression that you hear from time to time. Some think it is in the Bible but it is not. When you investigate the expression, you will soon discover it is a quote from an extremely devout Church of England priest who lived from 1510 to 1555—John Bradford.   The original expression that Bradford coined was “But for the grace of God there goes John Bradford.”

Bradford meant it to express the idea that God’s grace was necessary for him to live a Christian life because he could not achieve salvation based on his own morality.

I heard it just the other day in reference to someone serving time in prison. A friend said “But for the grace of God, there go I” and I took it to mean that he could be in prison but God’s grace has kept him from becoming an inmate.

Of course, the idea is there is not much difference between ourselves and the prisoner, the homeless person, the drunk, the drug addict etc.

We could very easily find ourselves “hard up” if circumstances were different in our lives.

The problem with most of us relating to “hard up” people is we have never been in dire conditions and we don’t understand people who are. We “distance” ourselves from them because they are dirty, they stink, their hair is a mess and they have ragged clothes.

Yet, these are the very people Christ says we are supposed to serve.

Pastor Chan spends a lot of Chapter 7 talking about God expecting “us to treat the poor and the desperate as if they were Christ himself.”

Matthew 25:37-39 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?”

Jesus replies to the question: “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for Me.”

Again, as in yesterday’s post, I reference that Pastor Chan says that Christians like to “play it safe.” We like to say we are Christian but what are we doing to prove that we are?

1 John 3:18 says “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” We are the children that verse is addressed to.

I know it is hard to make ourselves do what we should do. It is so comfortable not being poor and maybe you would find it hard to share what you have with someone less fortunate.

But there is that expression by John Bradford: “But for the grace of God, there go I.”

What if the tables were turned and you were the one in need?

Since 2000, the National Coalition for the Homeless has been running “The Homeless Project, which encourages people to go to the streets for 48 hours. Why do people do this? So they can experience a little of the reality of homeless life. So they can have some knowledge of the crisis situation in this country as more and more people are going homeless. So they can develop an awareness of attitudes their community has toward homelessness and have first-hand experience dealing with social service networks.

Most of us will never know what it is like to be homeless.

Most of us will never know what it is like to not know where the next meal is coming from.

Most of us will never know what having no money is like.

But our Christian religion makes helping the people who are struggling a high priority. Jesus felt the pain of the poor, the lame and the blind and encouraged all of us to help them.

Pastor Chan says “How would my life change if I actually thought of each person I came into contact with as Christ.”

Each person.

Even dirty people.

Even stinking people.

Even people with mess up hair.

Even people with ragged clothes.

We don’t think of Christ as being dirty, stinking, having messed up hair and ragged clothes, but does the “down and out person” you meet have the Holy Spirit?

If they are a believer, they do.

What should we think when we see a person who is poor?

Remember, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for Me.”

We should think that.

Islamic extremists who believe in suicide bombing as martyrdom expect rewards in the afterlife, as specified by the Quran. According to the religious text of Islam, male martyrs will receive 72 virgin maidens in paradise as a reward for their sacrifice [the Lifescience Website].

“Northern Cameroon On Wednesday, two girls under the age of 15 detonated explosions in Maroua and nearby Hausa, killing 11 and wounding 32 people. On Saturday, a 12-year-old girl set off a bomb in a bar, killing 20 and wounding about 80, the Economic Times reported. No group has taken responsibility for the attacks, but the Muslim extremist group Boko Haram is thought to be the force behind the attack.”

We see news like this again and again and as Christians, we don’t understand.

We disassociate ourselves from this type of cruel, horrific behavior, thinking it is far from what we believe as Christians.

I am not going to argue that we should do this type of thing [that would kill this blog for sure] but we have very short memories when it comes to our own Christian history. We have what I would call “selective memory.”

Pastor Chan in Chapter 7 writes of the Christian Martyrs: “They were tortured and refused to be released, so they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated—the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.”

You see, Pastor Chan points to the martyrs as evidence that Christians need a faith that when we really practice it, non-believers will think we are crazy.

From The Faith: A History of Christianity by Brian Moynahan, he describes the martyrdom of Stephen. When Stephen went before the Sanhedrin, he was “wildly unrepentant”, saying the temple was of no value and that God does not dwell in buildings made by man. He called his judges “stiff-necked,” “betrayers,” and “murderers.” He reported the heavens opened to him as he was accused and then he was taken out into the country and stoned to death. He knelt as he was stoned, crying out to the Lord “Lay not this sin on their charge.”

Moynahan said his stoning was a “watershed” moment for Christians. The strange new sect of Christianity was driven out of Jerusalem [the land of its birth] and into a wider world.

In short, the religion grew.

Like a well-made nail, the harder you hit Christianity, the deeper it goes into the wood. You don’t destroy it; you just make is stronger.

Christians today like to play it safe. We don’t want to put ourselves into situations where we have to show we are believers. We just want to say we are believers and leave it at that.

Can you imagine being identified as a Christian, owning up to it and then being killed because of your confession?

Early Christians knew that when they were asked the question, “Do you believe in Jesus?” that they were going to die.

So many said yes and went right on to their death.

Drawing a parallel to Muslim suicide bombers is risky at best but we should not act like a Christian would never martyr themselves.

They did.

We should never say that martyrdom is “way out there.”

Early Christians did it.

Lest we remember our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…He went to His death in a sacrificial manner. He went for our sins. He had the means to avoid his horrific end. All he had to do was say no to the question “Are you the king of the Jews?”

What did he say?

“It is as you say.”

Crazy behavior…

Before I leave this topic, you know there is a huge difference between what the Christian martyrs did and contemporary Muslim extremist martyrs are doing.

When an early Christian martyr went to his death because of his faith, he went alone. He did not feel compelled to murder innocent bystanders.

Today’s Muslim extremist does a cruel act, a horrific act. We don’t want to associate with suicide bombers. We don’t want to understand them.

Here is what I understand.

Early Christian martyrs did not instigate terror; they inspired devotion.

Jesus Christ did not instigate terror; His sacrifice saved my soul.

Can I Love My Stuff Too Much?

The short answer—yes.

I know the term “rich” is relative. It depends on how much money you have. Some have more and some have less.

We are all “poor” when we compare what we have to the three richest men in the world [Bill Gates at 86.6 billion, Carlos Slim at 71.3 billion and Warren Buffet at 70.1 billion] but do we have enough?

Probably so.

We listen to the video of Pastor Chan on Chapter 7 and we know he is right. We need to give of what we have to those less fortunate.

He says go to the concordance and look up “rich” and I did. I have a Strong’s Concordance and the print is small. However, I found about 80 references to rich in the Bible.

I skipped the Old Testament and went on to the New Testament and I quickly ran into some of Jesus’s most famous sayings about wealth.   Matthew 19: 16-24 tells the famous story of the rich young man who wants eternal life and of course he learns that his wealth is going to get in the way. Jesus tells him some commandments and he is ok with those and then Jesus says “go, sell your possessions and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven.” The rich young man goes away sad because Jesus has asked too much.

You are also familiar with Mark 12: 41-44, the widow and her coin. The rich people threw large amounts into the offering but the widow threw in two small copper coins. You know what Jesus told the Disciples, that this woman gave out of her poverty; the rich gave out of their largess.

Luke 12:16-21 recounts the story of the rich man who had a bumper crop and his solution was to build more barns to store his overflow. Jesus says that “a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” The real goal of a man is to be rich toward God, not toward man. The rich man is not preparing for the time when his life will be demanded of him. He wants to build barns and Jesus says that God would call him a fool.

We could go on and on but these are just three instances where the message is that we should not focus on what we own. The accumulation of great wealth can be a stumbling block for the Christian life. We may focus on the money we need more than God.

And again, do we have enough?

Probably so.

Pastor Chan speaks of our sharing our blessings with others less fortunate and again we go to Luke Chapter 14 as we explore the idea of rich. Jesus has people at the table with Him and one says “blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.”   Jesus replies with the story of the rich man who serves a banquet for his well-to-do friends. None can come. One has bought a piece of property and must go see it. One has just bought oxen and has to try them out. Yet another has just been married and cannot come due to the matrimony.

In short, no one really appreciated the invitation.

The man who arranged the banquet opens it to the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.

He says to his servants “Not one of those men who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.”

Who appreciated the invitation? The people who had nothing.

Who will go to heaven? The rich man who is willing to part with his possessions.

Who will experience God’s blessing? The woman who offers up her last two coins.

Who will be prepared when his life is demanded of him?

Hopefully us…because we really have enough.

Much earlier in my life, I began to develop an interest that I still have.

I have always been fascinated with how people talk to other people. I know most folks take that for granted but I don’t.

I got so fascinated with it that I think about it every day and I have a big intellectual interest in the topic, to this very day.

I studied it in college.

One of the most fascinating topics related to everyday talk is how we see ourselves. You see, we have a self-concept, our own picture of ourselves and we try as much as possible to present ourselves in the best light to our world. That in technical terms is called impression management.

In short, it is what we do to manage our identity in the world; put another way, it is the process we go through to communicate the image of ourselves that we want others to have of us.

You see, most of us want to be liked by others, and we strive to be polite to others, hoping others will be polite to us. We want others to believe that we are a “quality” person; we want to be credible. We go out of our way to diminish our negative qualities by using various strategies for hiding our faults. We want to influence others so we can accomplish our goals in life.

We want our image confirmed.

But can we be real with God?

As we wrap up Chapter 6, we are confronted with this question and it is a tough one to answer. Honestly!

Because we play impression management with God.

Pastor Chan admonishes us to tell God how we feel. Be honest with Him and tell Him that He is not the most important thing in your life, but be sorry for it.

Tell Him to change you. Wow, that is scary.

Tell Him you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and joy in your relationship with Him. You know you should.

Tell Him you want to love Him more than anything on this earth. Can you say that truthfully?

Tell Him you want to treasure the kingdom of heaven so much that you’d willingly sell everything in order to get it. Can you say that truthfully? Really???

The point I am trying to make is, can we play impression management with God?

The answer is no.

God sees right through our efforts at managing our images.

We may spend hours in front of the mirror and we may practice our interpersonal manipulation strategies over and over but all that does not matter to God.

In fact, it is all a waste of time.

But people still try to do it, like God is a person with human powers.

Let’s be honest.

We do want people in our world to like us. We do want to get what we want from others with relative ease. We do want people to think we are believable and knowledgeable. We do want to experience politeness from others and want to learn to be polite so others can feel our appreciation for them.

But with God, he just wants us to love Him.

He wants our total devotion and that is where we struggle.

That word total.

We want to hold a little out for ourselves, when He wants our all.

I am going to quote the italicized words at the end of Chapter 6 because they are Pastor Chan’s challenge.

“Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can’t do it, and I need You. I need you deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want you. And when I don’t, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have your way with me.”

Does this sound like a man concerned with managing His impression?

I think not.

So many people will never know Christ.

Of all the things that Pastor Chan is frustrated about, this is number one.

Some think that he just loves beating up Christians; spending a chapter labelling us “lukewarm” and accusing us of “serving leftovers to God” is evidence of that.

He should be upset.

Christians who don’t understand what their commitment to Christ means is a real problem. We need to be called out. A half-committed Christian does more to drive people away from the church than anything.

Whether you are someone who does not know Christ or someone who professes to know Christ, let’s talk about the process of moving down the believer’s road to a better life here on earth and a better life after we leave earth.

First of all, you need to let Jesus in. That is a real stumbling block for many, right at the beginning. They are not sure they want Jesus to be a large part of their lives. They like what they are doing and they are having a lot of fun.   Maybe they are doing things that they feel are not right but the pleasure is there.   Won’t I have to give up the pleasure when I let Jesus in my life? You will have to give up something all right. You will have to give up leading a double life and the associated guilt for the sins you are committing if the source of your pleasure is a sin [some pleasures of course are not sins]. Some folks like their pleasure so much that they can’t choose Jesus. They choose to live the life of the hypocrite. They have perfected the art of the false face. They can put on their contrite face when they need to and they can take it off and party when they are away from church or their Christian friends. That takes a lot of effort and can eventually cause a lot of pain and unhappiness.

Next, you need to let Jesus slowly begin to reduce the sins in your life. It won’t be quick but He will help you do it. The first thing that happens is awareness of your behavior begins to occur. The words you are saying become more obvious [especially words you should not say]. Unkind thoughts about people you are having become more obvious [you begin to think that you should be more understanding and empathic]. Desires for questionable things begin to diminish [you know you should monitor what goes into your mind and your body]. Again, this is a slow process, maybe taking years to see results but it will happen.

As the years go by, I like to think of this process as the “cleaning of your house.” Jesus comes in and begins to sweep it all out, the corners, the closets etc. He will clean it out from top to bottom if you let Him. Many of us have very dirty houses.

As time passes, learn to be quiet and listen to your Holy Spirit. Your “Helper” was always there but now if you are truly committed to Christ, you get feelings about what to do. Choices are more important for you. You see life as a series of choices and your Christ-like character is now being constructed by your new choices…better choices but you do have to listen to Jesus Christ in you. He is there and has been all along.

Don’t be afraid to ask Christ to control your life. Ask him to lead, guide and direct you to where you need to be in this world. He will. Ask Him to show you how to love Him. He will. If He shows you, you will understand. Many cannot understand the love of Jesus because we try to understand His love in human terms. His love is not based on human performance; it is a gift.   That in itself is beyond most peoples’ understanding.

Too often, the Christian is afraid to turn over control of life to Christ. They are afraid that He will ask them to do something that is uncomfortable, too sacrificial, too painful…too much of a change. He might, but that is where real growth occurs. You see Jesus is interested in your growth. Pastor Chan is also.

Have you ever watched a Francis Chan video? Have you ever seen him speak at a conference? He does this with an ease about him. He has a natural flow in his voice and a natural movement in his delivery of his message. It is like he is never forcing anything.  Powerful but natural.

I know that a person cannot make too much out of a video image but maybe this natural behavior is what we should all feel when we are flowing along in life with Christ. We are not forcing things. We are not worried about paying Christ back with our behaviors. We are not obsessed that we are not doing enough in our day. We are not concerned that we are doing things “right.” We are not compiling a list of our activities, having to justify our existence—did I do enough this week?

We did. We did what Christ asked of us.

He is still asking and we are still responding.

Pastor Chan describes the journey toward Christ in the words, “As we begin to focus more on Christ, loving Him and others becomes more natural. As long as we are pursuing Him, we are satisfied in Him.”

You see Pastor Chan wants the unbeliever to begin this journey. Most pastors fervently desire that; that is why they became pastors…to lead people to Jesus Christ. Pastor Chan wants believers to continue their journey. He wants us to quit being satisfied with the “same ole same ole” and move toward a deeper relationship.

Pastor Chan knows that two labels that we don’t want to have applied to us are “lukewarm” and “leftover server”.

Ok, let’s start!

Sometimes I get off track.

I found myself one day looking on Amazon for books and I just typed in Crazy Love in the search feature. I was interested in a negative review of the book. I was amazed at the length of one negative review written by an Adam T. Calvert. The gist of his comments was “This book is one of the most confusing I’ve ever read about the Christian life. Chan offers a mixed view of saying the Christian life is lived out of love and not out of fear-and-guilt, but then mainly tries through fear-and-guilt to persuade his readers to live the Christian life.”

I guess Crazy Love was confusing for Mr. Calvert and it was for me at one time in my life also.

Have you ever wanted to do something so much that you longed to keep doing it even though you had to stop and get on with other things in your day? I have heard of this happening to people who get addicted to drugs. I have heard of this happening to people who get addicted to porn. I have even heard of this happening to people who get addicted to playing computer games [not eating, not going to the bathroom, not going to work and not caring for their children so they can play].

Have you ever heard of someone addicted to praying to God?

Well, Pastor Chan introduces us to Grandma Clara in Chapter 6 and I just love how he describes her love for God.

“Every morning Clara would kneel by her bed and spend precious hours with her Savior and Lover; later in the day, just the sight of that corner of her bed would bring joy-filled tears and a deep anticipation of the next morning spent kneeling in His presence.”

She wanted to pray. It was the high point of her day.

This leads me to comment on Chan’s reference to the remarkable cycle. “Our prayers for more love result in more love, which naturally causes us to pray more, which results in more love…”.

This remarkable cycle is what we want to have in life, the hopeless desire for more love from our Lord and Savior.

Do we come to God out of fear and guilt as Mr. Calvert thinks?

I don’t think so.

We come to God as sinners.

I certainly had times in my life when I just could not understand why I would want a relationship with Jesus. Maybe it was “pay-back” because God had been so good to me. I owed Him something for all the blessings bestowed. That’s no fun. Maybe it was sheer guilt as I know I was actively sinning and I was inadequate and I had to make up for my inadequacies. That’s no fun. Sometimes I felt I was not going to get much for my devotion to God. I loved my earthly freedom and life as devoted Christian was not going to be fun. It was all about denial. Why would I want that? It was much more fun having the freedom to do what I wanted.

I just did not understand the remarkable cycle and the fact that God means for us to have the best life now. In this lifetime. He wants us to have life to the fullest.

Pastor Chan refers to this as “running to Christ”.

He is not describing our commitment to Christ as something that is born out of fear and guilt. He is talking about a Holy God who does not need us. God has plenty to do, yet he wants us to love Him and we should want to love Him. Because love for God results in peace here on earth.

You see “running to Christ” is really running to freedom.

Pastor Chan is not confusing. He knows that none of us is worthy of God’s love. “It is useless to attempt earning it; you will never feel ready….there really is a God who forgives everything and love [us] endlessly.”

He knows we have a choice.

We can “pay-back” God, we can serve God in guilt or we can just ignore God and have endless “fun.”

We don’t come to God as slaves.

Running to Christ is so much better, as we glimpse the corner of the bed and have joy-filled tears.

Just thinking about getting on our knees the next morning.

In Sunday School I have told this story and it is embarrassing…embarrassing to my wife.

I have a good memory or at least I think I do [of those early years] with her.

I remember how it felt to fall in love with my wife [my girlfriend at the time] many years ago. I was in high school and I remember thinking about her all day long, for days, weeks and months [maybe a year or so]. We had a long courtship and I guess that was what we needed.   When we married, we knew each other pretty well.

I just remember the 24/7 excitement and it was wonderful. I could literally close my eyes and see her face. I could smell her perfume. I could remember touching her hand.

It was insane…this falling in love stuff.   I have to emphasize the word falling because that was exactly what it felt like. I was in an out-of-control free fall…falling in love.

The second time I fell in love it was Jesus. That was 18 years ago. Same excitement, same 24/7 obsessive thinking but it was a bit different. Jesus was not around to see, smell or touch. But I did know I loved Him.

Don’t get me wrong, I was not worthy of His love. [None of us ever are]. But 18 years ago, I understood His love for me for the very first time in my life. I knew He cared for me and I was seeing Him move in my life in a powerful way.   I had declared my need to Him and I knew He was going to meet it.

What has happened over the years with my wife? What has happened over the years with Jesus?

My love has changed.

The intense stage is over and I have had some ups and downs. We all do. Just because you love someone does not mean you will always have an intense love. Just because you love Jesus does not mean that your life will be perfect all the time. It won’t be. As you spend time with your loved one, you are trying to understand them and they are trying to understand you. For earthly companions, it is a process of really knowing the person. The dating stage is “best foot forward time”; you know you want to make the best impression you can for as long as you can. You can keep it up for a few hours but you can’t keep it up forever. You have breaks from the other person so you can be the “real you.” You know, the you that you are hiding from your loved one.

As you make a commitment to your earthly loved one, you eventually have to reveal who you are. You can’t keep up the best impression stuff up too long. You have to let the real “you” show especially if you are living with your loved one.

But what about Jesus? This relationship is a bit different. God speaking to Jeremiah “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” gives you an indication of a difference in the man to God relationship. Jesus knows all about you. He knows your weaknesses and strengths and He knows what you are prone to do before you do it.

So when you say “I love you Jesus” you are committing yourself to a different type of relationship than a relationship with an earthly person [duh].

But in some ways it is the same.

What happens in a long term relationship? The sparkle begins to wear off. What replaces it? Friendship…true friendship. Lifelong friendship that lasts through the good times and bad.   For Jesus, the sparkle goes away also and what replaces it?

Spiritual maturity.

“Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death” [Hebrews 6:1].

Pastor Matt Slick lists four characteristics of the spiritually immature person: spiritual infancy is lack of growth after the new birth. The spiritual infant is concerned with self rather than service. The spiritual infant is concerned with argument rather than action. The spiritual infant looks to people rather than the Master.

You may have noticed the relational maintenance diagram at the top of this post.

With your earthly partner and you heavenly Partner, you want to reach the bonded stage for your lifetime.   Your earthy partner bonds will be broken by death but you heavenly partner bonds will continue after death [that is your hope].

You want to be bonded to God forever. He wants to be bonded to you.

Truly it is a love relationship that is hard to understand but it will change your life when it happens.

True love is hard to come by but when it is Jesus you love, it will sustain you forever.

Conflict has always bothered me.

Even before I had a relationship with God, it bothered me. I had a problem with it in the past due to the fact that I always thought I was beyond reproach. I was a “good person” and I never did anything to harm anyone.

That does not matter.

People who study conflict have this old expression: “Conflict is inevitable.”

It does not matter how “good” you are, there are those who will despise you.

For the Christian it is hard because Jesus said all the commandments can be summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Wow that is a high goal for any of us, especially when we have people around us who are really hard to love.

It raises the question: how does a Christian love the unlovable neighbor?

First of all, it is good to try to figure out the source of the conflict. Is it a content issue or a relationship issue?

Content issues are difficult enough because our world is full of issues that can cause people to disagree. Topics like civil rights for gay and lesbian individuals can cause a content conflict but even a topic like whether or not you like a movie can cause a fight. My point is, the subject does not have to be “serious” for a conflict to ensue. You just have to disagree on some content.

Relationship issues are the second major source of conflict and they are much more difficult to handle. People can disagree over a topic and eventually get over it. The old expression is “I can agree to disagree with you.” Relationship issues are rooted in problems that are personality based.

Let me see if I can give you some examples.

A person who wants to be in charge all the time is having a hard time dealing with the lack of control he or she feels when leadership has been given to another. They may lash out at anyone in authority because they feel they should be in authority.

Someone may want equal decision-making in a relationship but they are not getting that option. The other partner is making decisions without consultation and that causes conflict.

A narcissistic person may crave attention but they are getting very little. They may act out in an effort to draw attention to themselves, even if it is negative attention.

These are tough nuts to crack because the source of the conflict is deep within another person’s psychological makeup or their needs.

Often you may receive the anger, frustration and the negativity of the other person and you don’t deserve it. Their feelings are coming from a need which has very little to do with you.

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Matthew 5

Loving the unlovable is hard but Jesus calls upon us to do it and who said it was going to be easy to be a follower of Christ? No one.

I have no easy solution to loving the unlovable other than “do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” [Matthew 5:39].

This difficult piece of advice from Matthew is in line with what I used to counsel people who attended customer service seminars that I used to offer at the place where I worked. Do not act out on the level of the person who is acting out. That only makes matters worse. Then there are two people misbehaving. It is much better to be cool under pressure and “show” the out of control person the proper way to respond. Your behavior will be a contrast to theirs and may make them think about what they are saying and doing.   Your behavior may make them calm down. Your misbehaving may just be “pouring gasoline on the fire.”

Yes, conflict has always bothered me. It still does. As a Christian, I struggle with it even more when another Christian is having a conflict with me.

I try to focus on the fact that when I have conflict with another, we are both humans and we both have our own set of flaws. Galatians 6 [referring to sin] says “We must carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each should carry his own load.”

Yes, conflict is inevitable but it does not have to ruin your life. It will pass if you keep on remembering the greatest commandment.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Some of you from St. John United Methodist in Hopkinsville, Ky. may know that this has been the summer of sick mothers for me and my wife.

I tell you this not to make excuses because there is no need for excuses.

At the beginning of summer my mother found out she has breast cancer. It floored her and it was upsetting for the rest of us.

Like all sickness that had the possibility of being prolonged, you just work through it one stage at a time. She had surgery and we all nervously awaited the outcome.

The outcome was good…stage 1A, which means a low degree of development and even more good news, it has not spread and she did not have to take radiation or chemotherapy.

You may have seen the plural “mothers” in the first sentence.

My wife’s mother was the next one to have sickness.

Almost a month ago, she had indigestion that would not go away. She went to the local hospital only to be rushed to a larger facility where they determined she probably had some loosened plaque pass through an artery. She went back home only to have recurring symptoms and at this hospital visit, they did dual heart bypass surgery.

My wife was in the hospital so much with her mother that she was in the hospital more than at home—several days around the clock.

There will be more recuperation to come. My wife’s mother is 86 and her age requires her to have round-the-clock care at home by rotating family members. My wife’s rotation will be coming up again in a day or so.

Jesus said in John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble.”

This is where so many people struggle. Their thinking works like this. I love Jesus and Jesus loves me. Jesus will protect me from all harm. Life will be a “bowl of cherries” from now on.

No.

It does not work like that.

One of the most misquoted verses in the Bible is “God won’t give you any more than you can handle.” Those words which come from 1 Corinthians 10:13 sound so comforting when you are going through times of trouble but one needs to look at the context of the verse for the whole truth. The context reveals that this idea is referring to tempting times. The fuller context is “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” Most people misquote the verse so it can provide comfort in the midst of difficult times.

The truth is John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble.”

It is stressful when trouble comes. Sometimes the trouble can be so severe that you begin to question why it is happening. Some people even begin to question the existence of God. Just the other day, I had a man tell me his sister has lost her faith completely because her son committed suicide.   She was a Catholic and at the time of the suicide her church had a hardline stance against suicide.* She could not believe anymore after the suicide happened. To this day, she does not believe in God.

In talking to my mother-in-law this morning I made the comment “I sure don’t want to have to have open heart surgery. I don’t think it is any fun.” My comment was made to lighten up the topic but she came back with the line, “Other people have it far worse than me.”

That is so true but when trouble comes, it can be so self-centering. I took her comment as a sign that she would pull through this recovery and get better, maybe because she knows that God is on her side.   She is beginning to see that others around her have it far worse and the focus is going off of her onto others.

You know God is on our side. We do not have to worry about ourselves that much. He has us covered.

The rest of the verse John 16:33 says “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Pastor Chan says to “keep on, fight the good fight, pray continuously and do not grow weary.”

And always remember Jesus making that strong statement, “I have overcome the world.”

His strength is our salvation in our times of trouble.

*The Catholic Church has in recent years modified its harsh stance on suicide.