St. John Studies

This week it is all about putting things off.

Today it is my time to be honest.

I suffer from this just like everybody else and I have two problems that need to be expressed.

1. I overthink things
2. I have to have stuff perfect.

When I get ready to do anything I have a tendency to make simple things hard.  Some folks have the ability to jump right in and tackle problems.  I have a tendency to get introspective and start thinking out my problems from all angles.

This stops me in my tracks.

The perfection thing is a real killer.  Nothing is ever perfect.  It is a waste of time to pursue it.  It is not in me.  It is not in reality.  Yet when I start working on a problem, I hesitate because I know I can’t achieve perfection.   It is just a nasty habit that I have.

I was teaching Sunday School this past Sunday and the question before the class was “what do you want to get from your faith?”

This woman in my class said she wanted to be sinless because of her faith.  I don’t have very many moments of lucidity but I think I had one this past Sunday.  I said I wanted my faith to get me to sin less.  I want my faith to allow me to love the Lord more and to sin less.

For a procrastinating, overthinking perfectionist, this was a step forward.

Questions for Chapter 11:  What are the areas of life where you procrastinate?  If you look back honestly, what has procrastination cost you?  How do you see putting off the pain, prolonging the pleasure and/or planning it to perfection playing a role in your procrastination?

Is it time to act now!

Pastor Idleman says procrastination is one of the chief ways that Satan keeps us stuck in life.  You see, Satan wants you and me to stay just the way we are.  He does not want us to try to address our problems.  He wants us to hang on to them, to be mired in them, depressed by them, stuck in them.  Satan wants  zero spiritual growth.  When spiritual growth occurs, this is threatening to the forces of evil.

Pastor Rick Warren writes about the “8 phases of procrastination”.  See if you can relate:

Phase 1: “I’ll start early this time.” (Hopeful)

Phase 2: “I’ve got to start soon.” (A little tension)

Phase 3: “I should have started sooner.” (Creeping guilt)

Phase 4: “There is still time to do it.” (False reassurance)

Phase 5: “What’s wrong with me?” (Getting desperate)

Phase 6: “I can’t wait any longer!” (Intense pain)

Phase 7: “Just get it done!” (Get it over with!)

Phase 8: “Next time, I’ll start earlier.” (The cycle repeats)

Since procrastination cycles, it can become a habit, a lifestyle.  Then it really hurts us.

Many who study procrastination believe it is based on fear.  When we are talking about addressing serious soul-killing problems, fear definitely becomes relevant.  What kinds of fear are we talking about.

• Fear that you’ll fail or do badly. Probably the most common one.
• Fear of the unknown — the task is not familiar to you, so you don’t know what to do or where to start.
• Fear of the uncomfortable. It’s easy to do things we’re comfortable with, but doing new things is uncomfortable so we put them off.
• Fear of starting in the wrong place. You don’t start because what if you’re not starting the right way?

These fears are very real but I would add another one, just plain old fear of change.  You have all heard the expression that “it is better to dance with the devil that you know than to dance with the devil you don’t know.”  This is pure fear of change.

I go back to an earlier post when I referenced a couple of psychologists Phil Stutz and Barry Michels.  They state the obvious.  Procrastinators act like they have an endless amount of time to get things done.

The problem is, we don’t.

Let me end from a quote from author Margaret Atwood.  “Sooner or later, I hate to break it to you, you’re gonna die, so how do you fill the space between here and there?  It’s yours.  Seize your space.”

Enough said.

Honestly now, who doesn’t procrastinate?

You can’t do everything on time, all the time.  Some things get our attention and other things get “put on the back burner.”

We have to prioritize.

What can we procrastinate?

The list is endless.  I am a hobbyist and most people could care less about what I am interested in.  So if I procrastinate about that, no one cares.  I am a retiree and I have a nice ability to see work around the house to do.  It helps me; I can stay busy.  I know that people ignore some of the stuff I see.  I visit other homes.  If I procrastinate some of my little jobs, who cares?  Other people don’t care.

Some jobs just don’t require immediate attention.

Others do.

Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. James 4:17 (NIV)

That’s a pretty strong statement isn’t it?

Should we procrastinate making that change that will make us a better Christian? Should we confess that sin?  Should we make amends with that family member who has felt our wrath?  Should we take steps to stop our addiction?  Should we be a good leader in our church?  Should we be a good leader in our family?

This list goes on and on also.

See anything in common in all the items above?  These “good” actions can help us to have a more pure soul.  These “good” actions can help us to have a deeper relationship with God.  These “good” actions can help us to grow in our faith.

Psychotherapists Phil Stutz and Barry Michels explain that there are reasons we don’t act; we put off; we procrastinate.   To act will cause pain.  To act will make us get out of our “comfort zone.”    Stutz and Michels say “our time on earth is limited. Every moment is an opportunity we’ll never have again. Procrastinators act as if they have all the time in the world. But deep down, they know they’re wasting parts of their life. The trouble is, most of us don’t know how to free ourselves. That’s why, in the words of Henry David Thoreau, most people ‘live lives of quiet desperation and die with their song unsung.’”

You can procrastinate some things; we all do.

However, don’t procrastinate everything.

I wrapped up a thirty-seven year career as a full-time teacher in spring of 2013.  One of the things I do not miss about teaching is preaching against procrastination.

Every semester, I would have to address this issue; in fact toward the end of my career [the last 6 or 7 years] I set my classes up to reward people who successfully battled this awful disease.

You see, all my classes were either web-enhanced or online.  That is a term that is so common now but it basically means that assignments are all done at home on a computer, even if students came to campus to hear me pontificate on a subject in the classroom.

Every student is given a course “shell” when they enroll and they can access the class on an online learning platform 24/7, 7 days a week.

Not being a teacher who wants to monitor student activity 24/7, I would open up assignments and keep them open until the end of the semester.  I would announce that they are due on the last day, the last hour of the class.

Guess what would happen.

About 80 percent of the class would procrastinate.   About 19 percent would have enough discipline to deal with their academic work and they chopped away on the class all semester, not waiting until the end to turn it all in in a flurry.  About 1 percent finished early.

That was a thrill.  I would announce that small percentage to the whole class like Dave Ramseyites yelling “We’re debt free!” on his call in radio show.

Why is it that we procrastinate?  Kendra Cherry in her online article entitled “The Psychology of Procrastination” says students overestimate how much time they have left to perform tasks.   My experience is that they tend to be way too optimistic that they can get it done in plenty of time.  Students also overestimate how motivated they will be in the future.  Many have that very wrong.  If you lack motivation to do work early, how do you think you will find the motivation close to the deadline?   Fear kicks in and most of us do not do our best work in fear mode.  Students mistakenly assume that they need to be in the right frame of mind to work on a project.  Boy that is a joke.  This is just making a lame excuse.  If the right frame of mind is not coming early, it won’t come late.

One of the last classes I taught face-to-face, I had a student who stopped by after class when the class was about over.  He was very complimentary of my presentation skills in the classroom but he had a thing or two to say about by computer-based homework.

I will never forget what he said.  “I took this class and the first quarter, I loved the freedom you gave us students to do our work.  How liberating.  No quick deadline.  No monitoring.  At the mid-term mark, I got a little concerned when you sent out the mid-term assessment, when I was close to the bottom in my points totals.  Now I am in a dead panic as I see I have put off all this work until this final two weeks.  Dr. Carter, you have given me all this rope to be free and what I have done is use it to hang myself.”

He finally understood my lecture.

As we get to the last post from chapter 10, I want to share some of the wisdom I have received from my wife of almost 40 years:  “When you are troubled, or worried or upset, GET BUSY!”

Pastor Idleman says about the same thing at the end of chapter 10 when he talks about “feelings” keeping us from acting.  You know the old statement we make to others when we want to sit tight and not take action:  “I don’t feel like doing anything about it.”

Even if we don’t feel like taking action, make little steps in the right direction anyhow.  Force yourself to act.

His story of being stuck in traffic and feeling so much impatience is a good example.  Let me share an experience I had this week.  I was sitting at a table with an older woman who is single after her husband has passed.  I listened to her share her thoughts with others at the table about her life.  She feels bad due to a medical condition.  She goes nowhere.  She sees no one.  She said “I have no life.”  I observed her.   Watching her almost brought me to tears.  There was no smile on her face as she was talking.  Her voice had a sound of sadness and panic to it.  This woman is stuck.

Of course, I don’t know her whole picture and I can’t present it to you.

What could she do?

Force herself to smile.

Make conversation about positive topics instead of discussing all her problems.

Find a way to burn some calories despite her medical condition.

Go someplace and see some people.  Invite friends and get out of the house.

Again, I don’t know her situation.  This is all me coming to conclusions based on a few moments at a table with a “stuck” person.  I may be “way off.”

Pastor Idleman says that sometimes we know the truth.  We know we need to obey God even when we don’t feel like it.  Then he says the key: “When we obey God without the motivation to do so, our feelings will eventually catch up with our actions.”

In other words, get busy.

Maybe you have the steps to make your change in your mind.  Take the first step, whether you want to do it or not.  He says “you may find that along the road [to change], with God’s help, actions that at first seem artificial can become authentic.”

Listen to Pastor Idleman”; listen to my wife.  They are both right.

Questions from Chapter 10:

1.It seems so natural to choose the path of least resistance, but that’s not what will lead us to AHA.  How does the hard work of immediate action bring changes that the path of least resistance never could?

2.Passivity happens when we honor something over God.  We rarely, if ever, intend for that to happen, so what leads us to honoring things like family, money and comfort above God?

3.What’s your “first step”?  How will you act on it?

Pastor Idleman spends several pages writing about the priest Eli, in 1 Samuel.

This is another example of how the Bible is so relevant today and how passivity can creep into everyday life.  It was a factor in Bible times.

Eli had two sons who were not good boys, Hophni and Phineas.  They stole money from the offering [from God].  They kept and ate sacrifices meant for God.  They slept with women who served outside the sanctuary.

In short, they had no serious regard for God at all.

Eli knew of their activity.  He was getting reports from others about his sons.

What could he do?

1.punish his sons severely so they would suffer the consequences of their sacrilege.

2.ignore their actions.

3.yell at them and do nothing.

Eli did the third.

He scolded them and the boys heard Eli’s voice but they knew there would be no consequences.

What is the upshot of this?  The boys kept right on with their sacrilege.

They knew their father was not going to do anything to punish them so they knew they had to endure a few minutes of tongue-lashing and that was all.

I am a parent [and not a perfect one by any means].  It is hard to discipline a child.  However, if you just yell and do not enforce consequences, children will catch on to that very quickly.  They will know they can get their way.

God was not happy with Eli. God accused Eli of loving his sons too much.  Eli put his sons above God.

God warned Eli that if things did not get serious and he did not implement change, that his whole family would suffer.

What did Eli do?

Nothing.

His response is [1 Samuel 3:18] “Let Him [God] do whatever He thinks best.”

What should Eli have done?

1.repent of his disobedience of God [his own personal failing].

2.call his boys “on the carpet” again and punish them severely [give them consequences].

You see, Eli was a talker and not a doer.  His admonitions to his sons were just so much “hot air”.

His boys knew it but most of all, God knew it.

God punished the whole family of Eli because of Eli’s passivity.

You see, God is not just a talker; God is a doer.

We have been discussing passivity this week, one of the killers of any effort to change.  Passivity is the knowledge that we need to take action but the desire to act is just not there.

Let’s talk of some extraordinary statements from Scripture that can lead a person to passivity.  In 1 John 3:4-9 John says “Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.  But you know that He appeared so that He might take away our sins.  And in Him is no sin.  No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning.  No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or know Him.”

This is a real killer piece of scripture for many believers because it can be construed as the doctrine of perfection.

What are the facts?

Ever after we come to know Jesus, we all continue to sin.

What can happen to people who believe the words of 1 John?  Hopelessness.  The feeling that it does not matter anymore because we are not meeting God’s standards.  Passivity.

What does John mean by saying such strong things that make us realize our shortcomings?  We should not persist in sinning.

What happens when I sin?  I experienced this the other day.  I really did something wrong and I knew it.  I knew it before I was about to do it.  I did it.  I felt bad after I did it.

For hours after the sin was committed I grieved that I had been so bad.

Let me stop right there and let’s imagine I am a passive person and I believe the doctrine of perfection.

If I am passive, I continue to grieve my behavior but I grow to accept it.  I say things to myself like “It is just me” or “I can’t help myself” or “I’m making too big of a deal out of this” or “It will be ok.”

It won’t.

I eventually become adjusted to that idea that I am to be the way I am.  I am a sinner.  I will never be accepted by God and the words “No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning” keep ringing in my head.   Opportunities to sin reappear and I indulge myself.  It does not matter.  I can’t stop this.  I can’t change.

Let’s take another path, another interpretation of 1 John if you will.

The word is persist.  If you believe in God, we don’t want to persist in sin.  This does not mean we succeed in leading a sinless life but we don’t want to lead a sinful life either.  A believer, Alfred Plummer wrote, “sins, but opposition to sin, is the ruling principle of his life.”  We need to remember why Jesus came.  In 1 John verse 5, John reminds us: “He appeared so that He might take away our sins.”  In 1 John verse 8 John states “The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.”  I don’t want the status quo to be “me, the hopeless sinner”.   I want something better for my years here on earth.  I know God knows I sinned.  I ask for His forgiveness; I know He knows me better than anyone here on earth can know me.  He knows me warts and all.  He wants me to believe.  He wants me to be a fighter against the devil.  He wants me on His side.  I accept His forgiveness.  I move on beyond my sin.  I choose to persist.

If you think your goal is to lead a sinless, perfect life, you must be real with yourself.  You and I don’t have what it takes for this to happen.

However, we can persist in trying to keep sin at bay.  Trying to do better is a reasonable goal and I believe that God honors that.  When we are passive and accept our lack of effort as “who we are”, we are playing into the devil’s hands.

He wants us passive.

He wants us to remain as we are.

He does not want us to ACT!!!!!

The title of today’s post is the subtitle of Chapter 10.

I admit it.

I have said this.

Why does Pastor Idleman use it as his subtitle?

Because passive people use this sentence all the time to justify their passivity.

Let’s break the sentence down.  “I’m sure” is the heart of the sentence and it is a pretty bold statement when you think about it.  Can we be sure?  Do we have the control we need to make that statement?  Can we say this with true confidence?

Not really.

“Everything will work itself out” is the dependent part of the sentence if you are a grammarian.  That part is true.  Everything does eventually “work itself out” but the question is, is it working out the best way it can?

I was once told that when you die, someone will come along and clean out your “in basket.”  This is an office reference that means when we have stuff that we need to do [the in basket] and death interrupts our life here on earth, we will leave a lot of things unfinished.  No worry.  There will be someone who will come along and clean up all those unfinished jobs.

Guess what?  You will have some jobs in that in basket that you have begun and not just anyone can finish them.

You need to finish them; no one else can do the work.

If you have the notion that “everything will work itself out” and that applies to all situations, you are kidding yourself.

If you are sitting around, hoping that someone else will take action for you, you are kidding yourself.

Pastor Idleman refers to Nehemiah who was given the task of rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem.  He and his workers were experiencing opposition from multiple fronts.  The worst opposition came from Jewish people who did not experience the Babylonian captivity that Nehemiah’s people experienced.  They mocked the efforts to build back the wall.  Eventually, the mockers became attackers as they  became hostile to Nehemiah and his builders.

It would have been so easy to stop.

Nehemiah could have said “Let’s quit, I’m sure everything will work itself out. Someone else will come along later and build this wall.”

That’s not what he said.

He said “pick up a sword and fight.”

Nehemiah is credited with building a New Jerusalem and what has come to be called the Second Temple.

“Today… movies and television often portray men as clueless, game-addicted couch potatoes rather than active, hard-working leaders.  Often the strong and sensible characters in movies and television are women.  When portrayed as strong, men often exaggeratedly suffer from an overdose of testosterone.”*

What is wrong with men today?

We can go on and on with examples of men from the world today, men who are not really living up to their potential but let’s not.

Let focus on Ray Barone.

You probably remember the show, Everybody Loves Raymond.

Ray is the typical male, just trying to keep his head above water.  He has a job as a sports writer, three kids and a wife.  His wife is a “strong” woman who makes up for Ray’s lack of fortitude with her own powerful sense of right and wrong.  As Ray tries to coexist with her, his number one goal is to do as little as possible to help around the house.  As we observe his life, he will do anything to get out of work.  He is constantly trying to create explanations for why he cannot act to help his wife with housework, the kids or anything she is interested in.

In this show, we see Ray caught up in numerous lies where he is willing to tell “fibs” to get out of working to help his wife.

He does have things he wants to do, watch sports with his friends and play golf and he will do what he has to do to indulge in his interests.

Added to this dynamic, Ray is scared to death of his mother, who lives across the street.  He wants to please her more than his own wife, which is painful for his wife to endure.

We watch the show and it is episode after episode of Ray goofing up.  He tries to weasel his way around taking action on anything and always gets caught in his little efforts to dissemble.

What does Ray need to do?

He needs to take action.

“Manhood, by God’s design, includes active, intentional work and leadership.  We see this at the beginning of the Biblical narrative, in Genesis 2:15: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”  From the beginning, men were to be active (“work”) and responsible (“keep”) on behalf of what God had made.  As we will see, God calls all men to actively work and lead in the following spheres: ourselves, our families, our jobs, our church, and our society.  In fact, the astounding truth is that God has made men in such a way that the hard work of intentional leadership in these areas is ultimately the most satisfying way to live.”*

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to see women lead today.  I love it.

This is not about one gender being better than the other.

However it is sad to see men shrink from an active role in life [like Ray Barone].  At my church there is an effort to start up United Methodist Men again.  What happened to UMM?  Why did they disappear?  Women’s groups in the church are active but no men’s groups?

The title of this post was borrowed from a post from the website noted below.

It is a disturbing title, to say the least.

If “manhood” has been marred, it is time to stop marring it further.

Maybe the way to stop this is to avoid passivity.

Let us take action.

*From the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

I admit it.  I don’t know why but I get all worked up watching men wield swords, the broader the sword the better.

I don’t consider myself a violent man.  I would not want to chop someone with a broadsword.  I would not even want to see someone get chopped with a broadsword but this type of activity affects me.

Not too long ago, I was watching a tale of knights defending a castle in Old England.  The “bad guys” were trying to scale the battlements.  The knights in the interior of the castle were greatly outnumbered but my-oh-my they were optimistic and they were valiant.  They faced overwhelming odds yet they knew how to wield their swords.  Invader after invader met his end as he tried to go over the wall of the castle.

As I was watching the show, I found myself twitching with movements as if I was in the fight.  I was mimicking the activity with my own body.  I was itching to get into the action.

Not really….

Why is that?  Why do we admire action yet we are unlikely to take action?

I can tell you what I need to do to fix things in my life yet I don’t want to take the necessary steps to fix the problem.  It takes too much effort.  I don’t have a plan to see it through.  It costs too much.  It hurts too much.  It takes too much time.  I don’t have the willpower.  I am not willing to let God take over.

Did you catch that last one?

God will help us to take action if we just ask Him to help us.  He knows the steps and will put us in the situation to take them.  He will give us the energy to make the effort.  His plan [if we follow it] is the best plan.  It will cost just the right amount.  He will heal our wounds if we hurt.  The time will be there, if he knows we are making steps to change.  He will give us what we need to make the change if we ask him so our lack of willpower is not even relevant anymore.

Ok, let’s make fun of us men.  We would rather watch action than do action.

Do you want to be bold?  Pray this simple prayer.  “Lord I don’t have what it takes to clean up my life but You know that I need to change.  Please Lord, I ask You to supply what I need for change.  I ask You to put me in a position to change.  I am ready Lord; let’s do this.”

Get ready; you have turned your life over to Him.

He will keep his end of the bargain.

All excuses will be washed away….He will put you in a position to change.

Will you change or will you just be content to watch the action?