St. John Studies

Dr. Chapman states that “When we give to others, we reflect His love.”

Yesterday I posted about R.G. LeTourneau, one of most giving people I have ever heard about.

What about America as a country?

Do we give to others?

Turns out we do.  In the 2014 World Giving Index conducted by the international organization Charities Aid Foundation, America ranked number 1 in volunteering, helping strangers and giving money.  The Charities Aid Foundation looked at 135 countries and we tied with the tiny country of Myanmar, which has a high level of giving per capita [91% of 53 million people are charitable…in the US, we have 315 million people and can muster more volunteers and money].

Mr. LeToureau’s wife Evelyn was very “like-minded” when it came to giving.  She told him one time “I think we’ve got to do more.”

Why don’t we all do more?

Professionals who know about the psychology of giving point to four factors which I think are right on target.

1.We have a major disaster in Nepal right now, with thousands of people getting killed and becoming homeless due to an massive earthquake.  We see the people and the devastation but we don’t zero in on a single suffering person.  That is a key.  We need to see and feel the suffering of a person rather than the massive numbers of sufferers.   Most of us don’t comprehend the suffering on a massive scale.  We can’t relate to it but make it personal and it all changes.

2.Can I make a difference?  Some worry that time and money can be easily squandered.  We can all give time to others and if that is lost, I guess we easily just take it as a loss, but for many, money is another matter.  For example, if you are giving money to feed children, you want the money to go to buy food and actually feed the children.  You don’t want administrative costs, shipping and other matters to consume the dollars spent.

3.Am I responsible?  This question gets at the heart of giving.  If a person feels responsible for others, they will more likely help.  If a person does not feel any responsibility, they distance themselves from the people who need aid.  It becomes someone else’s problem.  Or you may hear phrases like “they brought it on themselves.”

4.Worry about how much gift is needed can stop giving in its tracks.  If you see a homeless person on the street and this person is on your route to work every day, he will confront you with his needs every day.  You stop one day and give him some money and then you see him the next day and the next.  Do you go right by him, ignoring him the next time and the next time?   I have had conversations with people who are generous to people with great needs.  The needy person may make contact with the giver and ask for more.  They have so much less than you do.  Why can’t you give them more?  When is the gift good enough?

In my opinion, we need to pay attention to the Holy Spirit which we all have.  What is that discerning voice telling you about the level of need and your level of aid?  What is that Holy Spirit telling you about the person who is receiving your aid?  Do they really need it?  Do they appreciate it?  Are they people of good character?

I have heard church people say that “poor people are just out to scam you.”

That may be the case but should we be focused on that?

Again, I return to the admonition of Dr. Chapman: “When we give to others, we reflect His love.”  Another admonition [Jesus Christ talking about the hungry, the thirsty, the people needing clothes, the sick, and the people in prison]: “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25: 40.

Dr. Chapman starts Chapter 4 with the story of R.G. Le Tourneau.  I “googled” this guy.  He is real.  He was a man of little education but a man who used his brains and his faith to move mountains…literally.

What a giver.

What a receiver.

To many who read about him, he is a nut.  To some who read about him, he is inspirational.

You see, he believed that God is a God of gifts.

The more I have thought about this man, the more I believe he is right.”

Why don’t we see life like he does?

I was talking to a soldier the other day and as part of our conversation he talked about his RV.  It had a small shower and he said “I sure appreciate it.”  I wondered about his statement and then he explained, “In Iraq, I had to go two or three weeks without taking a shower or bath.”  Could a person say that warm, clean water to wash with is a gift from God?

I was talking to the director of the local mission center a few weeks ago and he told me about this little lady who came to the mission center a few days earlier and she had a simple request.  She lived under a bridge.  She wanted a roll of toilet paper.   When Brad gave her a roll, she broke down in tears.  Could a person say that a roll of toilet paper is a gift from God?

We have a church member who is dying.  At the moment of writing this post, he is probably in the process of breathing his last breaths.  His family is gathered around him in his home and hospice has been called.  I am not close to death right now but I wonder about his process.  What about his pain?  Could a moment free of pain be a gift from God?  Could a moment of lucid thought be a gift from God?  Could just one more breath be a gift from God?

Why don’t we see God’s gifts?

Maybe it is because we have so much.  When we hear stories about being deprived we don’t relate because we have never been deprived.  If we were, maybe it was a long time ago and we have worked hard to distance ourselves from that experience.  Maybe it makes us uncomfortable.  Why don’t more people open their arms to women and men who would cry over a roll of toilet paper?  Maybe it is because we think we are better than that and we don’t want to associate with people who are in that kind of struggle.  Maybe it scares us.  Maybe we are greedy.  We have what we have and we don’t want to share it with those who are less fortunate.

Every day the news is flooded by information about Gates, Buffet, Ellison, Koch and Walton.  Maybe they give.  I am sure some of them do.  But do they give 90%?  Le Tourneau gave 90% of the stock of his company to his foundation and he gave 90% of his personal income to Christian causes around the world.

“You mean that rich Christian fool.”

That’s what many people probably thought about him

Mr. Le Tourneau knew that everything he had belonged to God and that helped him give.  It wasn’t his to begin with.  He was the recipient of more and more and more and he gave more and more and more.

He understood 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”

I can’t get him out of my mind.  The cheerful receiver; the cheerful giver—R.G. Le Tourneau.

Chapter 4 in God Speaks Your Love Language is about the love language of gifts.

Just pause a moment and think about it.

Do you like receiving a present?

Do you like receiving a surprise present?

Not everyone does.

I had a friend one time who absolutely refused my offer of aid, when he obviously needed help.  I had another friend who went into a panic one time when I gave her an unexpected gift.   She went into a frenzy trying to think about how she could repay me.   Another friend commented on my gift to him by saying that “now he would owe me.”  Owing me anything was not the object of my giving my friends a gift.

Why do people have problems receiving gifts?

Our culture is a culture of “you scratch my back and I will scratch yours.”  If you give something to someone, you must be expecting something back.  I knew a person who called that “keeping books.”  It was almost like he kept a little black book of debts that he owed others and debts that he had to collect from others.  If this is the attitude you have, gift giving is never from the heart, never selfless and never without the ulterior motive of manipulation.

Some people give so much that they have a hard time receiving.  For example, women are such caretakers that they often have a hard time receiving a gift.  I have been around women who are so busy trying to make others happy that they forget that they have needs too.  It is almost as if they are conditioned to give and give and give but not receive.  They protest when the gift is offered.

Another reason for hesitance in receiving a gift is the attention it focuses on the receiver.  Some folks like to be so far from the spotlight that they panic in gift receiving situations because people are paying attention to them.

Independence is another major stumbling block in gift reception.  Some folks think if you receive a gift that you are admitting that you have a need and they don’t want to be perceived that way.  In short, they don’t want to be nurtured.  The altruistic gift giver is just trying to show appreciation or love and they can’t imagine that their gift would amount to a “put-down” in the mind of another but that’s what the gift means to an independent person.  Men I have tried to give a gift to seem to struggle with this.  Men can be “independent cusses”, not wanting to depend on anyone or anything.  They don’t want any help mowing their yard even though they have not mowed it in 3 weeks; their mower is broken and they can’t afford to get it fixed.

Lastly, some people don’t feel like they deserve a gift.  This attitude may be rooted in a self-esteem issue.  Maybe they don’t feel they have done anything to deserve the gift and they are feeling guilty.  These thoughts are not in the mind of the giver; they are in the mind of the receiver.  In fact, this way of thinking can be very confusing for a generous people because they may not even be evaluating the other person’s level of performance and calculating the receiver’s worthiness.

Why discuss all this?  Because Chapter 4 is all about gifts…gifts from God.  If you are a person who views life as a gift from God like R.G. LeTourneau, you are appreciative of everything you have and you want to take God’s gifts and pass them on to other people.

Not everyone is like Mr. LeTourneau.  Giving gifts and receiving gifts is not their “thing.”

That is a shame, because this week we will explore the idea that the best gifts come from God.  You may not prefer gifts but get ready to receive…

Years ago when I was right in the middle of my career, I read a book called Finding God on the A Train.  I borrow the phrase in the title from the author Rick Hamlin.

The book is about one man’s effort to find quality time in his life to pray and learn about God.

I clearly remember feeling rushed all the time when I was a full-time worker, trying to manage my time the best that I could.  It was hard just like it is hard for some of you right now.  I even read books on time management and took a time management seminar or two.

I never felt I could manage my time.

What was the problem?

Interruptions, the interruptions of daily living.

Things would be whizzing along and then the phone rings.  There is a crisis at home that needs attention, a fellow teacher needs a favor and on and on.

The flow was never that long.  Stuff was always left undone at the end of the day.

Rick Hamlin lived in New York when he wrote his book.   He had his share of interruptions but he loved God and prayed that God would show him a time when he could have quality time in pray, meditation and study.

God did: from the 181^st Street Station to the 125^th Street Station on the A Train Subway.

He was ashamed that the time was so little but it was God’s time, not his.  He knew he could use the time for getting to know God better.

He was obedient.  He closed his eyes and prayed his prayers.  He rid his mind of competing thoughts.  He pulled out his Bible or some other “God book “ [his wife’s term for Christian living literature].   He did this every day.

On the subway.

Hamlin describes his early morning time with God: “This early-morning time of prayer feels like the most important.  Without it, my day would fall apart and I would forget whose I am and what I want to do and what I believe.  It’s the time without which I would exist only for myself, without which I would be consumed by petty demands on my time and petty distractions of my ego.”

Hamlin feels like all of us.  He had many hats to put on his head throughout the day: “friend, singer, son, do-gooder, student, worshiper, committee member, faithful correspondent, telephone talker, writer, editor, husband, father.”

One day he just prayed to God, “show me when I can be with you Lord.”

God did.

On the A Train.

Can you pray that prayer?  “God, show me when I can be with your Lord.”

He will show you.

He will provide the time because the Holy Spirit is the lord of our time.

Will you act?

After God shows you when you can be with Him, will you pray?  Will you study his Word?  Will you obey your Lord?

Will you have quality time with Him?  He wants quality time with you.

Egbert, N and Polk, D. (2006).  Speaking the language of relational maintenance. A validity test of Chapman’s five love languages. Communication Research Report, 23, 19-26.

You might be asking now, what is this?

Some of you know that I have a Ph.D. in interpersonal communications from the University of Kentucky.  I don’t make too much out of it; I loved school, I became a professional student and I went to school as far as I could.  It is something that happened in my life.

Underlying my choice of God Speaks Your Love Language for the second book to study for St. John Studies was the fact that I was with Dr. Chapman in Paducah, Kentucky as he conducted a day-long marriage enrichment seminar.  Secondly, this topic is kinda comfortable for me.

I teach an online interpersonal communications class for the local community college and we are in a new edition of the textbook this semester.  I was very pleasantly surprised when I started studying the new last chapter of the semester and I found several pages in the chapter on close relationships devoted to Dr. Chapman’s love languages.  The citation I started this blog post with is validation that Dr. Chapman’s love languages are real.  They are not just some mushy romantic notions that sound ok.  “Research offers support for these categories [words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch].”

As we continue throughout his book for our study, Chapman’s main point is that God knows your love language and can communicate to you through your preferred love language but on a human level.  Adler and Proctor state the most common problem is “Partners understandably but mistakenly can assume that the love language they prefer is also the one that their mate will appreciate.  For example, if your primary love language is gifts, then you will probably expect presents from loved ones on special occasions—and perhaps even on ordinary ones.  You’re also likely to give gifts regularly and assume they’ll be received appreciatively.” Adler. R and Proctor R.  Looking Out:  Looking In.  2014.

Assumption that your partner speaks the same love language as you can be a real “setup for disappointment”.

Adler and Proctor go on to say that the primary source of teaching for love languages is the family.  This type of communication habit is imprinted in us from a very young age.

The good news is that the habit of using a particular love language can be altered by your romantic partner, through the act of sharing their needs.  Human beings can learn to communicate love in different ways with a little information and a little work.

We have to admit that we all have a need to hear the love language that we prefer and that need is based on a deep emotional desire we have.  People tend to be very critical of their loved ones in that area where we have that desire.  What we are really doing is pleading for love.  However if we don’t make an effort to understand our loved one, we may as well be speaking Russian to them in the areas of love languages.

All people in close relationships go through the “falling in love” stage of relationship—the euphoria time where your partner can do no wrong, has no flaws and everything in the relationship is possible.  After the euphoria wears off is the part of the relationship where choice come into play.  Do we choose to love our partner for who they are and love them the way they need to be loved?  Do we try to learn their love language?

God Speaks Your Love Language:  I don’t know about you but I have my share of flaws.  I have some love languages that work for me and others that don’t, and I make a ton of mistakes in life.

God loves me anyway.  I’m not a skeptic.  He knows my love language.

People who need quality time to talk to God and people who can give quality time to others and want it in return still have periods of time when they can’t have the quality time they desire.

I have a high score on quality time but I have had a few experiences where I could not have this special communion with God.

You know the times; times of mental uproar.

I have had a few over the years.

My usual morning is when I find a quiet place to be with my coffee.  My son is 30 years old now and he has his own family in Chicago.  My wife loves to sleep later than I do.  So I am in the quiet house.  Me and God.

Yet this quality time with God is sometimes not right because I am in the middle of a conflict with someone, several loose ends of life are hanging and I can’t tie them up, I have done something I am ashamed of, I am nervous about some upcoming event or someone has sent me a message that was disconfirming and my fragile ego is bruised.  You get the point [and my list of mental upsets could continue going on and on].

I can’t settle my mind.

My prayer time is unfocused.

My prayer is what my wife calls “chasing rabbits.”  You know what I mean.  Just like a beagle let loose in a large overgrown field, I see the rabbit and I chase it for a while and then another one pops up and I chase it for a while etc.

I need a dose of Ritalin; I have a hyperactive mind.

One morning I was suffering from this but something unusual happened.  I remember the morning, where I was in the house, and the very unusual time of day.  It was 2:00 a.m. and I was very upset.  I had awakened and the bad thoughts of the morning popped into my mind and I could not go back to sleep.  After tossing and turning for about 40 minutes I just gave up and got up and started my day super early.

I got the coffee hot and headed to an easy chair but I was not sleepy.  I was wide awake and I had a very unsettled pattern of thought.

I found myself trying to pray but I could not get my prayer to be “strong.”  I had fragments, I had crazy thoughts, I had inappropriate thoughts, and I had a mess going on in my head.

Then I heard it.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

I knew what it meant.

And it happened.

My mind quit racing.  The competing thoughts stopped.  My body relaxed.  God had given me the reprieve from my anguish, a reprieve that I sorely needed.

It was amazing.

Since that morning, I have had a few more times when I felt His presence so I have studied the reference which is Psalms 46:10. The context is the writer of the Psalm is seeking God in times of trouble.  There is fighting and for the people to see God, the fighting must cease.  When we trust God and His plan, the warring will stop and God will manifest Himself.

In the context of my life, the mental warring did stop.  I knew my little problems were being handled by a God that could take care of all that I was concerned about.  In short, God was telling me “I got this.”

In Chapter 3, Dr. Chapman tells us of Greta, God, Jesus, Mary and George Meuller, trying to convince us that quality time is valuable in our fast-paced world by providing examples.   Still, to have quality time, one has to give God [or another person] undivided attention and that is very hard today.

Let me tell you, it is worth it if you can do it.

Two a.m. from God to Dave “I got this.”  I went back to bed.  I went back to sleep.

The past three days I have written about different aspects of quality time.  The first day on Chapter 3, we discussed how quality time is not for everybody.  The second day we discussed how people who like quality time may not understand others or appreciate others who need to hear different love languages.  Yesterday the focus was on how a quality time person can appreciate a touch love language person.

Today let’s try to understand the fact that God desires to spend quality time with His creatures.  Dr. Chapman says “that this is one of the unique aspects of the Christian faith.”

The Bible is full of verses that encourage spending time with God. “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”   [Matthew 6:6]  “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” [2 Timothy 3:16]  “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. [John 15: 1-5]

In short, pray, study and be connected, as branches are to the vine.  With that connection, we can do things that glorify God.

Skeptics may point to places in the Old Testament when God seemed distant, judgmental and punitive.  Maybe he was all of those things but God was still seeking a way to be with man.  Man just could not respond to God’s urgings.  Man could not understand the approach that God was taking.

I was watching the NBC series “AD” the other night.  It is what I would call a good production.  I am neither a Bible scholar or a film critic, but the acting was good, the visual display was high quality and it seemed to be true to the Bible [as true as any television show can be].

Of course, one of the most dramatic scenes was the death of Jesus.  At Jesus’ death, the earth shook and the temple veil was torn.  The high priests tried to overlook the significance of all this because they were trying to maintain their power over Jerusalem.  But the tearing of the veil is God’s decreasing the distance between God and man.

Before the death of Jesus, the inner part of the temple could only be entered by the high priest; regular folks could only use the outer part of the temple.  Through the death of Jesus, the barrier between man and God is breached.  Jesus gave His life so we could be connected with God.  The veil was a constant reminder that our sin made us unfit to be in the presence of God.  The high priest had to sacrifice animals to atone for our sins.  Jesus came to establish that connection, that quality time that some desire with God.

Indeed this was the theme of another experience I had with St. John last year.  We read the Bible all the way through as a church [narrative version called The Story].  I always think it is of great benefit to have an overarching idea to provide some structure, especially for such an imposing book like the Bible.  A sense of structure helps one to read and understand.  The Story provided that for me.  From the walks in the Garden of Eden that God took with Adam and Eve to the tree of life showing up again in Revelation 22: 1-5, I saw for the first time that the whole Bible is God desiring to be with his creatures—man.

You can truly see the significance of Michelangelo painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel; with God reaching out his hand, reaching out to connect to man.

As we read about Rod in Chapter 3, I wonder how many of us wonder about his experience when he joins the church.

Going to the alter.  Being surrounded by men praying for him. The prayer being described as “I have never heard anything like it before”.  Weeping uncontrollably.  Asking God to forgive him.  God touching him.  Electricity running through his body.  Feeling totally clean.

Wow, that is dramatic.

Does that sound like what happened to you when you decided to follow Jesus?

Later in the chapter, Rod continues worshipping in church:  singing praise songs loudly and lifting his hands to God.  Often he has tears running down his cheeks.  He describes worship as a regular experience of feeling the presence of God.

Does that sound like how you go to church?

I was conversing with someone last week who was talking about visiting her son’s church.  She was having problems finding the right words to describe her son’s worship experience.  She said her son’s church had loud music, guitars, drums, loud singing and dancing from time to time.  Lots of amens and praises to God!

Then she stopped and said:  “That’s just not me.”

I tried to explain that her son’s church has a “worship style” that is appealing to certain types of people…maybe not the people of chapter 3—people who desire quality time with others and God.

Rod is a physical touch love language person and many worship services are geared toward people like Rod.   These churches focus on very beautiful worship centers, exciting and dramatic preachers, thrilling music with lots of rhythm and a hypnotic, repeated message–music designed to elicit an emotional response.  Often there is lighting in the sanctuary to enhance the mood and worship is often punctuated with shouts of praise and testimonials [maybe even some speaking in tongues].

Do you know what?

Some people need this to feel close to the Lord.

What does Greta need?

Quiet prayer for one.  She describes her “come to Jesus” moment as “months of contemplation, prayer and reading the Scriptures”.  She finally found her way to the church nine months after Rod’s conversion by reading Revelation 3:20, that famous passage of Jesus saying “Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.”  That was her special moment and it had nothing to do with praise music, exciting preachers, dramatic lighting and group prayer.

It was Greta all alone, praying it out, meditating it out, reading it out and thinking it out.  I am reminded of the “greatest commandment” in Matthew 22:36-38:  “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?  [a Pharisee trying to test Jesus] Jesus replied:  ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.’ ”

Greta is taking the mind part of that greatest commandment seriously.

She is using her mind to find Jesus.

God knows us.

I am convinced that He knows us completely.  He knows our strengths and weaknesses. He knows my past, my present acts and he knows my future.  He knows all my thoughts and my habits, even the very hairs on my head are numbered [Luke 12:7].

God also knows how to communicate with us.

That is why focusing on Rod and Greta is so important.

They are the most important idea that Dr. Chapman is expressing, some would say the thesis of his discussion.

You are unique.  I am unique.  God loves us.  God will find a way to communicate with all His unique people…using a love language that each of us needs.

I was struck by the sentence Dr. Chapman quoted from Greta from Chapter 3:  “But now we are giving each other freedom to express our love to God differently.”  She was referring to her need for quality time with God and her husband’s need for public praise and worship.

This simple sentence is a key to happy relationships and it is so simple that it is often overlooked and underrated.

It’s about tolerance, especially for those we most care most about.

Yesterday’s post revealed that I scored high on quality time.  It fits my personality and my desires for life.   I have always liked learning.  I would rather learn something from a book or class than do just about anything.  For me to learn, I need to go off and find a quiet place to think, to read and to write.  I can’t concentrate in the distracting world that is life for many people. I cannot read with TV on.  I cannot read with music on.  I have to have quiet.  I have to be still.

This leads to intolerance.

Why don’t others want to go to a quiet place, pick up a book and learn?

Because that is just not them.

I feel like I can grow in my relationship with God with some quiet prayer time and meditation and when I get quiet and still and read my Bible, I can really learn things that make my life better.

Notice all that “I” language?

What works for me may not work for another.

I get irritated from time to time when other Christians don’t seem to have a hunger for learning, growing or even reading God’s word.  They never even consider attending a Sunday School class or a Bible Study.  They would rather do other things.

Then I think about my intolerance and my passing judgment on others.  I know I am wrong.

Some people are just not made to do quality time with God.

Here are some tips for having quality time with God if you want to try to do it.

1.Think about the best time for you to be with God.  Are you a morning person?  Are you a late night person?  When do you feel most alert every day?  I am a morning person so that is my best time.  Devote your most alert time of the day to quality time.  Set the time aside and be regular.  Don’t be rigid but work hard to get your quality time into your daily routine.

2.If you are like me, find the quiet place where you need to go.  If you can read, pray and think in a noisy environment, that’s ok,  but if you need quiet, find that quiet place.

3.Fix the environment in your quiet place with few distractions.  If you want to read your Bible, have your Bible and that is all.  Leave the phone somewhere else; put the laptop in another part of the house.  Don’t surround yourself with things to play with, tech or otherwise.

4.Get quiet and talk to God.  If you know you are going to read your Bible, before you begin reading, say a prayer asking God to speak to you personally as you open His word.  Ask Him to sharpen your powers of observation so you can see what the text is saying.  Ask Him for wisdom as you try to interpret what the text means.  Ask Him for help in dealing with issues you have that are contrary to His will.

5.Pull out your Bible and read.  Just reading without a plan is probably not best but there are lots of Bible reading plans on the internet.  Just google “Bible reading plans.”  Some people like to skip around using a devotion as their guide.  You need some guidance from something.  Just trying to read God’s word by dipping in randomly is probably not best.  Currently, I am reading a devotion by John Stott entitled Through the Bible, Through the Year.  Stott is so insightful and every time I read his book, I get deeper information about God’s word.  It really helps me.

6.Wrap up your quality time with a period of quietness.  You may want to thank God for the time and the opportunity to think, learn and grow.

What if talk about this quality time with God sets you on edge?  What if you know you can’t do this.  It is not you.

Don’t worry.

God may be able to speak to you through another type of love language.

He is not going to condemn you because you are not a quality time person.

But, isn’t prayer, meditation and Bible reading what we should all be doing?  It sounds so right…

Maybe so but this quality time stuff might not be easy for everyone.

Some people struggle to do it.

[Is this me being tolerant?]…yep.

Ok, my second highest score on my Love Languages Profile is quality time.  I scored a 9 for this language.  Thirty percent of my points on my profile are for quality time.

I appreciate quality time but I am old.

I appreciate quality time but I am slow.

I appreciate quality time but I like to think [sometimes I overthink things].

Newsflash, we live in hurried world.  We have so many distractions and life moves so fast.  I hate this but I am going to make broad cultural judgments.  [The reason I hate it is because broad cultural judgements do no one any good].

Family time is now at a premium.  We work so hard and often don’t leave work at work.  Thanks to our various technical devices, we can stay connected to work 24/7.

It takes more money to support our lifestyles which in turn makes us spend more time working to make more money.

Even when we are home, we work like we are at work.  We rush through chores, often thinking about the next chore before the one we are on is done.  We don’t enjoy what we are doing.  We don’t know how to go slow.

We have tv on.  We are on our computer, I Pad, etc.  We are never alone with people.  We always have a connection to someone who is not present.  This makes our “presentness” problematic.  Maybe we can be present but if we are communicating with someone else “not present” we are distracted and not communicating well with the person right in front of us [the person present].

We don’t eat together anymore.  I know people who have not had a family meal in years.  It takes time to prepare a meal, eat it and clean up.  It takes time that people don’t have.

We don’t explore our environment.  We don’t take time to appreciate our home; we don’t take time to explore our communities.  Just yesterday, my wife and I went out to find some Amish stores and we found some.  I was ashamed to admit that I did not know where one was.  No time spent exploring our environment and I’m retired!

People can’t sit still, people hate being alone, people have horribly short attention spans.

Can anyone do quality time?

Read how a Love Language Profile describes the person who likes “quality time:” “In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.”

This is oriented toward people you share your life with, but Dr. Chapman wants us also to spend “quality time” with God.

Is it possible today?

Do you really have time for quality time?

This is our topic for the week.  Beware, it may take some time….